Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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