I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
