My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
