no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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