Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
