Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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