I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
