weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
