okay pat passed out under dana's car
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
