I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
