she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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