If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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