Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
