where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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