Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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