glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
