She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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