Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
