when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
