Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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