She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
