Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
