shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
