Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
