The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
