Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
