i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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