Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
