thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
