We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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