So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I love you. Go after that dick
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
