Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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