so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
