whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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