Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
