He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
