omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
