I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
