Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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