Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
