Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
