First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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