He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
