His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
