sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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