Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize