Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Randomize