You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
