mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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