so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
