Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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