i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
