you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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