My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
