Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
