they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
