what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
