just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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