...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
