Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
