I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
