apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
