she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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