You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
