WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
